Today I actually did something that I never thought I’d do. I overcame one of my biggest fears. Being in a video. Sounds weird right? I know but, hear me out. I have never liked the way I look and on camera it was always worse. Don’t get me wrong, I love being in photos with my kids and taking a quick shot for IG now, but that wasn’t always the case… If you ever look closely at my IG feed it wasn’t until recently when I really became comfortable even taking a photo with me in it and posting it! When anyone mentioned FaceTime or anything I would always change the subject or avoid it and hope to goodness I never got that notification on my phone/ipad!
Having children really makes you stop and think about the way you look at things, especially yourself. Before I had kids I had no problems discussing what was wrong with my body, or how big my nose was. I wouldn’t ever say such things in front of my kids – you never want to talk about that kind of thing in front of kids. Especially little girls. I just never felt the need to, but someone extremely wise reminded me of this not too long ago and it really made me think. Not only about myself, and my feelings for myself but for my kids.
I still may not be happy with my nose, laugh lines, my chin and now my 9 weeks postpartum belly – but I’ve accepted them. They are mine, they are apart of ME.
For the last few years I’ve really tried to stress to my kids how beautiful they are, and how perfect they are just the way they are… Then I realized, I was lying! Not to them about how beautiful and perfect they are but to myself! Here I was telling them the very thing I had been beating myself up over for years secretly and sometimes not so secretly when I was a teen.
It wasn’t until my oldest daughter began telling me how pretty she thought I was that I really was put in my place. Here she was this gorgeous, tall, blue eyed dirty blonde 7 year-old girl standing there looking at me saying “Mom, you are so pretty! I wish I looked like you!” I smiled and I told her how gorgeous she was and she smiled and danced away to the music in the background… It didn’t really register with me until later on.
From that moment on I became a little bit more secure with myself. I started to wear make up again, straighten my hair again.. I even started to post photos of myself with my kids and gasp, ALONE on instagram! I can’t change what I look like so the obvious choice was to give my head a shake and realize if this beautiful little girl looked at me and thought I was pretty, I needed to start acting like I thought so too. And guess what? It feels good to actually put on make up, and want to be included in things such as photos and as of today a video!
I was asked to do a short video, literally 15 seconds long and I was having a mini panic attack while getting ready for this video. Above is a still from it. It took a lot of takes, just to get this 15 seconds but I am absolutely happy with how it turned out…
I really hope if the time ever comes my girls ever question their looks, I can make them feel as secure with themselves as my little girl did for me that day. She still tells me all the time how pretty I am, and sometimes she says she wants to look like me.. So I guess I’ve already started on this journey with her, letting her know she may not look like me but she is absolutely beautiful and I wouldn’t change her for the world inside or out!